Could try harder

The children brought their reports home the other day. They were much as expected, and couched in the kind of language that requires a bit of decoding. It got me to thinking about my old reports, several of which I seem to recall said things like "Could try harder" and "Could do better".

I see some of my various different attributes in the boys, especially the younger two. And it occurred to me that some things haven't changed. I still don't have huge confidence in my abilities and I prevaricate quite a bit and wait for a sign, or encouragement, or everything to align itself before I steam ahead with things. I do so admire people who achieve things, who inspire me with all that they do. And I'd like to be like that too. But somehow I never quite manage it. I'd like to come up with a goal and work hard to achieve it. But somehow I never get round to it. I could do it, I'm sure I could. I just need to try harder, to do better. It occurs to me that one day I might be telling the boys to try their best. It would come across a lot better if I'm doing my best too.

So I'm trying to channel a little more energy in a positive direction. To achieve a little more, even if it's only on the domestic front. I've decided to do the writing course, probably starting in September, although maybe earlier. In the meantime I shall try and force the house, garden and allotment into some semblance of order. Today was a good day. I repotted lemons and tidied some plants in the garden. I swept and snipped and dead-headed sweet peas. Tomorrow I'll attack the allotment. Little by little I'll accomplish what I want. I hope!

You may recall that on Saturday we had a wedding to go to. It was a hot day, made a little hotter by our frantic journey to get there. I suggested leaving quite early, being as it involved the M5 on a July Saturday, and the posh schools have already broken up for the summer. OH felt that it was not necessary. I said we ought to leave earlier than 1pm. OH said he definitely would not be leaving any earlier at all than 1pm. At 12.59 the bride sent a text advising that the motorway was completely blocked. Because of various rivers, it's a very difficult place to get to without going down the motorway. Google was consulted, which wasted another five minutes or so. The alternative route was also really busy, so a fair amount of sweating was done before we'd even got close to the venue. It was particularly tricky as OH was to give the bride away. We did get there, later than requested, but in time for the ceremony. Thank goodness for deep breathing.

The wedding was fab. Really, really fab. I wasn't expecting it to be as good as it was. I think it was so good because the children were so well catered for. There was a basket full of drinks, crisps and sweets for them to help themselves to, which was a huge novelty in itself. There was a bouncy castle and lots of space for running around. They ate in an orangery adjoining the room the adults were in. The staff looked after them beautifully. They had sausage and mash and then a huge chocolate ice-cream concoction. They had colouring books and games. And after they'd eaten, while we were still on our main courses, they got to play football on the lawn, yes they did. (We asked nicely, it was allowed). They popped in and out, scavenging the little cakes we ended the meal with, and they were thrilled to get a token to spend at the bar. There was a video thing where you could leave a message for the bride and groom, so they dressed up in the silly wigs and glasses and left a few (dozen). The day ended with a disco, and me and the littlest boy danced to "Sweet Child of Mine". The bigger boys got to go behind the starry curtain with the DJ and look at all the exciting computers. It was a very good day.

Some of you expressed an interest in seeing the feathery thing... When he first saw it, the biggest boy said, "No offence mum but it looks a bit ridiculous". The littlest boy said, "It looks awesome". The middle boy said, "You look really terrible". Me, I quite enjoyed swanning round with feathers in my hair. I think I may take to wearing hair things more often.

It's blended into the sky a bit here. Here's a blurry selfie. I only used my little camera, I didn't want to lug the other one around all day, plus it's a bit noisy and obvious. The small camera is silent and really good for taking unobtrusive snaps.

I found OH's buttonhole in the littlest boy's room earlier on this evening. He does like little treasures and mementoes. Well, actually, he just likes to have stuff. Not sure where he gets that attribute...